From Russia, with Love

Just to be fair, it's not always the men. No, sometimes it's the spam filters that don't know what the heck to do with these things. This one was forwarded to me after it got through a friend's spam filter.

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Subject: I search for the friend for acquaintance!!!

Hello!!!!!!!!!!!

My name Ekaterina. To me of 27 years. Growth 173 see Red, Eyes green, a figure harmonous. A higher education, perfectly I own and I speak in English, Studied it during all study. On To character - kind, sympathetic and quiet, for my work it is simple It is necessary. I work in the trainer in fitness the centre.

Not for the husband. Children while are not present. I live in very beautiful city - Cheboksary, Russia.

My hobbies - music, sports, housekeeping, walk on fresh air. Music-from classical, To modern, I am able to play a guitar, a little bit I sing. I love sport mine Morning before work begins with jog on fresh air. I like to prepare And to be engaged in house affairs. Still I like dogs. I live with my mum in one-room apartment.

Very much I love children and would like to get the child, but yet Has met that man to which could trust and pass on the vital Ways to a place and consequently I dream to get acquainted for serious relations with The kind, decent, cultural and clever man. The exit for the husband is possible. Where You wash the unique and tender reliable friend??!!

If you are interested Me that write me on my e-mail: ekaterina08sil@yahoo.com

If you answer me, I will tell in more details about myself and To send you the photo.

With the big impatience I look forward to hearing from you Ekaterina.

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Okay, with big impatience I-b-callin' my IT guy to come rescue my beleaguered spam filter that obviously took a dump after fielding this one. I have to give her credit for spelling though. It's much better than most profiles I read from the U.S., but I think the English ownership program is going a step too far.

I admit I do kinda like the idea of 'exit for the husband'. I think I did that in my divorce. Yes, in fact, I'm sure I did. Maybe she's just planning for the future, always a good move in relationship matters.

And in spite of engaging in house affairs she still likes dogs. I can relate to this. How long does it really take to house break one of these, anyway? !@#$%!

At least she appears humble. Most posters claim to walk on water. She simply claims to walk on air. I think we can all live with that.

Go Ekaterina!

Where's Waldo?

In online dating and even in the news, I find it increasingly exasperating when there is no accompanying photo. Has that little, 'worth a thousand words' ditty been completely lost?

It's even worse when you've got a headless horseman winking at you. I think this is one of my biggest pet peeves - men with no photos. Did you want me to wink back, and at what, your fonts? Is it completely lost on people that the idea of winking at someone involves some fashion of connection with the visual senses we call eyes? Is it really such a big stretch to realize that it's pointless to wink at someone who can't see you?

Beyond comprehension are those who wink but have no profile. Nope, it's hidden. You can't see a thing. You only see a fairly blank page that states kaw1600vulcan has winked at you. Wow, now that's HOT! *rolleyes*

Dude, let me just state for the record: You're a moron.

I sent him a friendly reminder:

Look, don't wink at someone and have your freakin' profile hidden. What the hell are we supposed to wink at, a blank page? God that's so annoying. Why even bother? I'm blocking you - don't contact me. Or anyone else for that matter.

Then you get the guys who do post a photo, but unfortunately, it's anyone's guess who you're dealing with as it depicts 4 guys. While I'm fairly open, I'm not sure I'm ready to take on 4 guys. Particularly the 2nd one on the right. Can I get the 2nd one from the left and the far one on the right and can I get a better view of the first one of the left?

OH. I only get ONE? Man, how unfair is that? What happened to truth in advertising? Great, I'll pick the one 2nd from the left then 'cause he's hot. OH THAT'S NOT YOU? Sorry. My bad. Wait, no, your bad. And let me guess, you're the 2nd one on the right. Stop posting stupid photos! I won't even get into the photos of things like chandeliers (and they're not even in the bedroom) and wide expanses of scenic fodder that mean nothing to me. Great, you went on vacation. Without me.

My all time favorite profile photos, however, are the typical 'football field shots'. By this, I mean the guy is so far away, he could be David Beckham for all I know. But, wait, he's married. It can't possibly be him. Damn it all anyway. Maybe it's Adam Levine. He's single, but then again, I'm not that lucky, which is not to say I'm without hope entirely.


As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words and here is a classic "Where's Waldo" shot, which is another popular photo choice many men make. While this one renders me speechless, it fortunately affords me quite a few other choices, which I've taken the painstaking time to illustrate, since surely it's not the guy in the orange shorts picking his nose, right? Right???



In other news, literally, a Malaysian man somehow got a metal nut stuck on his, ummm, manhood, in an effort to lengthen his, umm, you know, before his wedding night. Sadly, it all went horribly wrong and he had to have it surgically removed. The nut, not the, umm, you know and no, not his nuts, the metal nut he threaded over his, umm, oh my.

I'd suspect the honeymoon is going to be even more disappointing to his bride than was originally expected, and I'm sure his new in laws were pleased as punch to learn their daughter is marrying a man who isn't too well endowed upstairs or down. Embarrassing all around.

AFP and Yahoo News, thanks. These are the times we're glad there is no photo. Whew.

World's Shortest Profiles

newly retired,,looking for a friend
i love women that like multiple men,,,i want to find a female like that

Multiple men? A female like what? Do I want to know?

Looking
Im just on here looking for a woman who wants to experience pleasure...Also, I am not a member, so figure things out and contact me where I can read it. But I would love to talk to someone soon!

No, YOU figure things out. Namely, find a dime and pay for a subscription like the rest of us.

Just Looking for now
I don't have the time to date. So I thought I would give this a try.

How perfect. Another man who doesn't have any time for me. That's HOT!

im new
im tall,skinny, and easy to get along with

Oh! Oh! I got it! You're a Cookies and Cream Popsicle.

Easy going love to have fun whom ever i am.

When you figure out 'whom ever you are', let me know.

Hello
Let's talk about it

Great. Here's my sentence. Your turn.

hi loooking for fun
i have long black hair and lots of tatoos

It sounds like you've already had way too much fun. Next!

friends with benefits
friends with benefits

I'm sensing a trend here...Haiku, maybe?

hansom man
i like sports and girls

Let me guess, you're unique.

Fill this in.
Need to fill this in

Let's not and say we did, alright?