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My Favorite Personal Ads

These have been collected around the net. The cities and names have been changed to protect the stupid but the typos and well, other problems, are all intact. Be afraid.

Ambitious Hardworking Guy

This is my friend Jim. He just moved to Lexington and doesn't know anyone. He just graduated form (some unknown university far, far away) and is now working in marketing and sales at a big company there. He's ambitious and hard working, but has a great sense of humor and is a lot of fun. E-mail him and he can tell you more about himself. This is his picture. (which shows a 30-ish guy with some poor former gf or wife half cut out of the picture. Why. WHY do men do that?!)

Doesn't this ad make you wonder why someone who is ambitious and hardworking and in the MARKETING field at a big company isn't posting his own ad? THINK ABOUT IT! I'm like this close to emailing and asking!

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old fashond contry bumkin i guess, fun loving and varry loyal,honest
to a falt varry direct frends say im a dyeing bread.I shure hope not.
looking for a woman who dosen't want to see me leave for work and
can't wait untill i get home.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Dyeing Bread?!

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little about me
Professional male
(as opposed to the amateur male?)

This will probably blow it but I am not perfect. I know this is a shocking revelation but there are at least three aspects of my life where there is room for some improvement; my personality, my behavior and my looks. Other than that I am as close to perfection as you will find.

I am a bodybuilder, I train & diet to compete. My chosen passion helps me to stay healthy and focused in life. It grounds me and shapes me. I spend hours in the gym preparing for competitions.

Okay, the last paragraph tells me he has NO time for me at all, and as a FYI/PSA: Anyone with Golf or Golfer as their username doesn't have anytime for you, either...

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what i'm looking for i wont know untill it hits me. Let it go, if it returns it was meant to be.

Anyone got a boomerang?

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a little about me
Lost the love of my life. Yet why should i care if she does not?. what am i looking for? my sole mate.How hard is that to find? Thought i had the battle whooped.Only to find that i was alone and fending for myself. Is it wrong to remove all that reminds you of that person? Its my only way to get by. Im sick and tired and very lonely. i need a picker upper.I dont want a rebound girl.But yet what i wanted in life i could not have.

Umm - yeah. This guy sounds about as emotionally available as the soles of my shoes. Thorazine, anyone?

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This is an actual email sent to me from one of my - umm - suitors:

Hi Little Gril,

This me again. If You would send Me a way to get some pictures to You I will send then to you. You have chught My eye for some reason, I really do not know the why, You just did . I do not chase Grils. They mostly chase Me. I really do not know why it just happends. But You are different. You seem real, You know the kind a guy could resepct, want to do things for, Do things for Each Other and ( don;t get afread here ) some one Who has a good Heart. I think You could be trusted with My Heart and someone You
could trust Your Heart to. I am looking for a long, long,up to getting, You know the ( M ) word. Just from readding Your ad thinking what You wote gave Me hope that a true Lady is still out there. Thank
You for giving giving Me that. I tkink You are a cool Gril and with a cool guy, We
might just hit it off and be Great and find each other in that wonderfull place
called ( Love ). Hope to talk to You soon. SeeeeeeeYaaaaaa

Okay, I have no words. Maybe you do. Let me know. I do think the word 'happends' is a product I need when I read things like this to keep my panties and chair dry, however.

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OK LADIES FIRST EXCUSE THE TYPING IM NO TYPIST IM A PECKER!!! LOL first off i love to laugh i have a crazy sense of humor love making people laugh my motto in life IS LIVE LIKE YOUR DYING !!! I TRY TO LIVE BY THAT !! YEP! im a very romantic love doing the small things notes cards small gifts im a very touchie feelie guy love to always be touching the woman playing with her hair playing with her fingers holding hands love giving a woman a foot rub or a back rub brushing her hair these are just some of the things i love doing with that speacial woman dont get me wrong im still a manly man no house slave !!! lol i just love showing the woman im with she is very speacial with me ilove adventure and excitement love roller coasters i love snuggling on the couch while its raining and kissing love kissing or taking a walk in a shower love taking a walk while its snowing our foot prints the only pair love picnics my music i like is varied not much on rap crap lol!! i have a greattttttt imagination and love experimentation want my partner to like these things to LIKE GUMMIE BEARS!!! U will have to ask me i might tell u??? YEPPPPPP I LOVE JUST SPOONING u wanna know anything else just ask i love answering q s and love asking them ialways say if u dont ask u may never know!!!!!!!! yeppppppppp lol

I think he had me at: taking a walk in the shower...

For starters, never date a man whose first sentence includes ANYTHING about a pecker. We have to have some ground rules here and it seems to me someone should point him in the right direction for the period key. Oh and I really don't want to know ANYTHING else. I definitely think I got it - gummie bears and all.

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Cute as a button male, wild and crazy, rugged, muscular yet petite, 5'3, 114 lbs., dark hair/eyes/thick mustache, shaved balls, seeks same qualities in hot females (ages 18-24). Extra good if you're a bartender and generous with the free drinks.

I guess I'd never describe a real guy as 'cute as a button and petite' since I've been described that way myself being a female, so I was a little confused til I got to the balls. Hmm. But then I was even more confused when he said he sought the same qualities in a hot female. Maybe he's never been with a woman (I'm guessing this to be true in spades from this ad), but most don't have balls. I guess that's why they say you learn something new everyday. I could go for those free drinks about now, however.

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